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  • Writer's pictureMia

How To Make These Brussels Sprouts

Oh shit. These were some good brussels sprouts. And this whole thing takes about ten minutes from start to finish. Not a bullshit professional-chef-ten-minutes either, where you're seventy minutes in and haven't turned on the burner yet. It's a real ten minutes.

You know how cookbooks always have some love story about the featured foods? "I fell in love with brussels sprouts while traveling across six continents with my grandma, bless her soul, she brought me these when I had my emergency appendectomy in Australia; and again after we both fell in love with our gondolier on the Venetian canals. My grandma was like, "Isn't Fernando so gorgeous?" and we giggled while inhaling these little sprouts of love. These are like my own cabbagey madeleines. Love you, grandma, and so does my immune system."

Woof. This is not that recipe. I spent most of my life hating brussels sprouts. You too? Welcome!

If you hate brussels sprouts because they smell awful and your mom boiled them and you just pushed them around your plate until you could leave and go watch Fresh Prince at 6, this is gonna change your life.

Step one: Cut these healthy little spheres of sulphoraphan into halves or quarters. (I'm still kind of a reformed brussels sprouts wimp so I usually go quarters.)

Step two: Heat a heavy pan over medium-high to wicked hot with enough oil in it to coat the bottom. Carefully touch a sprout to the oil to make sure it sizzles like crazy before you throw them in.

Step three: Toss the sprouts in, but turn them quickly so they're face down in the hot oil. Now GO AWAY and don't touch them for three or four minutes. Seriously. Back the fuck up. Don't stir the sprouts. Go check your DMs and come back.

Step four: When they've gotten a good char on the bottom (I love these super dark because I would practically eat a charcoal briquet if the risk of cancer would let me, but you do you), give them a good stir and leave them be for another minute.

Important!! If your sprouts are cut pretty small (like in my pics), they'll be done after this. If you have some big ol' golf ball halves in there, carefully add a couple tablespoons of water. It'll steam like crazy so be ready, but that steam will finish off the cooking.

Step five: Drain your sprouts on a dishcloth or paper towel, and then salt them immediately while they're still scorching hot (just like you would do with french fries). Toss them and you're finished. I use these in salads and breakfasts and to top potatoes and wherever else one might want a crunch salty vegetable to pop up. That is, if you can resist eating them right where you're standing, because honestly I've done it.

See? Not so bad! No appendectomy needed.

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