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  • Writer's pictureMia

Oh Shit, This Is A Good Beans And Kale Recipe

Updated: Aug 21, 2022

Friends, meet Beans 'N Greens.


*A Buttload of Garlic, sliced (Trust me you can't fuck this amount up. Listen to your heart.)

*One or two large shallots, sliced (The shallot is the Hera of the onion family. A majestic goddess, murderous rage notwithstanding.)

*One bunch of kale, ribs removed and roughly chopped (I used traditional here but dinosaur kale works great too and bonus it's called dinosaur kale.)


*1/2c to 3/4c Dry white wine (primarily to keep the chef hydrated)

*Chicken broth (if you need/want more liquid)

*One lemon

*Salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, parmesan cheese, anything else you might want to toss in there


Heat a couple tablespoons of veggie oil in a large heavy pan until hot.

Sauté the sliced garlic and shallots, stirring frequently until browned. (Don't burn your garlic, you'll hate me and it won't be my fault)

Add wine to your belly. You've had a long day.

Then add 1/2c to 3/4c of wine to your pan. (This measurement doesn't have to be precise. I usually just pour it in, to both my belly and my pan.)

Adding the wine will help you be able to scrape all the browned oniony garlicky goodness off the bottom of the pan. Once you do that, put in your roughly chopped kale. It's going to seem like all the kale will never fit into the pan, or maybe that there is so much kale that your life has been ruined, but I promise: like any bully, it will lose its sense of importance the more you stab it. Just keep stirring it into the hot wine and onions and you'll see it shrinking right before your eyes.

Once all your kale has been stirred in (it will change to a beautiful green color instantly), add your beans, INCLUDING the liquid in the can. (If you have bean fears, you can always use one can instead of two. YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE.)

Now everything can gently simmer for 5-10m while you season with salt, pepper, the juice of one lemon, red pepper flakes and whatever else you might want in there. If you aren't sure how to season, add some of something, and then taste. Then add a little more and taste. When it tastes good, stop adding things. It's really that simple, I promise.

If you need more liquid in the pan, add some chicken broth. Don't drown your kale. If you've never braised kale, just keep tasting pieces it as it cooks. When it stops chewing like tree bark, you're on the right track. Wait just a few minutes longer and it'll be soft, tender, and soooooo garlicky.

🚨 If you notice it starting to lose its beautiful green color, MAYDAY MAYDAY EJECT THE KALE FROM THE PAN ASAP 🚨

Squeeze some extra lemon on top if you're a sour bitch and serve! I eat this all by itself but it would go great over rice/quinoa/grains, or alongside grilled chicken, burgers, or fish.


PS. This recipe would take chopped summer tomatoes beautifully. Add them towards the end of cooking so you don't cook out all the summeriness.

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1 Comment

Lisa Pierce
Lisa Pierce
Sep 13, 2020

Mia, you are hilarious! I love your kale recipe and miss you terribly. Thank you for continuing to make this world a better place. Xx lisa

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